Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
