this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him