Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it