Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it