Texts From Last Night

Texts from November, 2012

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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

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  (912): Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time.... http://tfl.nu/fwcj
  Replies (11) Good night (1893) Bad night (261)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  "just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.

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  (651): "just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk. http://tfl.nu/ji17
  Replies (6) Good night (834) Bad night (362)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.

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  (952): You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans. http://tfl.nu/wpte
  Replies (5) Good night (749) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.

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  (978): I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency. http://tfl.nu/azpx
  Replies (7) Good night (1619) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.

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  (925): I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off. http://tfl.nu/d0dp
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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  (321): It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises. http://tfl.nu/1767
  Replies (4) Good night (630) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.

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  (+64): He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic. http://tfl.nu/imyn
  Replies (9) Good night (937) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  It has been happening a lot lately.

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  (330): I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me. (513): It has been happening a lot lately. http://tfl.nu/53io
  Replies (3) Good night (1114) Bad night (224)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me

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  (781): Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me http://tfl.nu/17em
  Replies (1) Good night (1150) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?

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  (845): Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird? http://tfl.nu/8vw8
  Replies (7) Good night (778) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship

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  (608): Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship http://tfl.nu/u2r6
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.

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  (360): I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel? (1-360): considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'. http://tfl.nu/0tmm
  Replies (0) Good night (892) Bad night (226)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.

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  (307): She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche. http://tfl.nu/hl4o
  Replies (7) Good night (522) Bad night (1542)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well

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  (614): Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well http://tfl.nu/giyd
  Replies (14) Good night (487) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.

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  (443): well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/je7g
  Replies (2) Good night (1556) Bad night (529)