If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem