If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem