I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....