Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.