Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.