He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.