I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dating After Heartbreak
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"