I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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