Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
