Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
