I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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