I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i think i just lost a toe
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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