Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
