This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b