Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit