So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him