once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
