Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.