Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.