I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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