You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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