HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.