In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.