After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.