Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book