Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
