im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
