No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.