No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.