I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..