I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night