stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.