I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.