hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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