"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
