dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She tied me up with her honor cords...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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