I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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