It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
