you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.