SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?