booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
