I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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