There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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