Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.