Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.