Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.