she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
