therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.