eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
