Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
