I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
