Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
