Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
