Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?