He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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