i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
