Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you will always have a special place in my vag
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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