you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where is the hickey?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
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"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
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This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.