Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
