How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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