Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
